ϟ Let me tell you about that then.

Not that I haven’t been completely honest about this certain past and it’s not that there’s really nothing to say. It’s just that talking about these things aren’t too friendly for me. It was hard and to be frank, I still am continuously dealing with it now. I just think that’s the thing about heartbreaks, you keep on walking with the aid of a walker until that miracle finds you. You never really get past it without something. In my case, I really don’t know where exactly it fits. I’ve been trying and trying to figure it all out but I just can’t. I’m waiting yet also terribly terrified of everything that will come. I haven’t said this to anyone before and I probably will keep this to myself unless asked by someone sincere. I still find my thoughts wander to that blind moment we had, to him. And yes it still hurts every now and then like it always has. The pain is bearable but inevitable. There isn’t a time when I didn’t think about a certain turn in events in a certain point in time that we’d actually run away from this stain and find ourselves tangled in each other. It would be striking if this could ever happen but actually is such sad optimism. I don’t allow myself to get closely indulged with these “what if’s” since it’s just not worth anything. When you remember something that has been lost it can be aggravating, dreary or sometimes both. Then there is this question, “Do you still love him?”. To stop talk, my usual answer would be “No.”, but to be honest I always will. I always will love him yet I don’t want to be with him anymore. I just don’t think you can entirely unlove a person. There will always be love in there somewhere just lessened to the point that you believe there is none already. I just don’t find myself explaining this to people without them thinking about how weird I am or using this as a cover. Not all of my friends know how addicted I am to sentimentality. But anyway, I think I should stop now. This is enough for tonight. I don’t usually talk about this much but sometime soon I might again. Till then.

Good night.

(Source: yvnkrlamartinez, via yvnkrlamartinez)